No, no, no, I didn't attempt to murder anyone

(I'm much more resourceful and capable than that, and I never leave anything at just "attempted") So for all you inquiring Googlers, here's the abridged real story.

My wife used to do a few illegal substances. She's sober now, but sometimes I have to help her protect her sobriety, and part of that job is making sure the wrong people don't intentionally sabotage it.

In this case, I had to have a very persuasive (aggressively forceful) conversation with a dirtbag drug dealer to get him out of her life. There were no weapons, no stabbing, no hostage drama, no nothing. Just a motivated husband handling a situation that needed handling. He came looking for a problem and I gave him one. Hands only.

Bystanders called the cops. I kept my mouth shut the entire time. Not a word. That's a lesson I learned the hard way years ago, and I'll spare you that story for now. Pro tip: it doesn't matter how innocent you are, talking can only hurt you. Stay silent (this may get you arrested), but it lets you unfold it all later and walk away unscathed.

I also had the whole thing on video. Security cameras were rolling too. That's why ALL THE CHARGES WERE IMMEDIATELY DROPPED. No case. No record. No criminal history. Not even a dramatic courtroom montage. But you wouldn't know that due to incomplete reporting by an irresponsible "online journalist" who slapped my government-issued glamour shot online and then refused to follow up, remove his Tweet, or print an update.

It is what it is. But I wasn't going to let a troll with Wi-Fi control the narrative. If you really want more specifics and you actually know me, call me. It's entertaining.

Meanwhile the war on drugs continues and the internet remains undefeated.

RS